Sunday October 3, 2021
2:45 a.m. Green Guest House
Mae Sot, Thailand
I stopped writing yesterday morning with the goal for the day of NOT getting distracted. Well, I failed. I don’t think I have ever been as distracted in my life as I was yesterday, Here’s the crazy tale:
This tale consists of a series of events that I’m convinced could only occur in my life. This is a Planet Doug story in its purest form. I did a bunch of stuff inside my room in the morning. I DID learn all about the volume control settings on my new camera. And I reviewed all of the microphone test video clips from the previous day and assembled my thoughts about which microphone I liked and which I didn’t. Then I packed up my new DJI Pocket 2, and I went out into Mae Sot to film a bunch of stuff, including a conclusion for that microphone testing video.
I ended up struggling a little bit with that conclusion. I wanted to keep it brief and focused, but I kept wandering off topic. I ended up shooting three different conclusions to finally get it right. Then I returned to this guest house room, and my goal was to copy the new video files to my phone and get right to work completing and then uploading the Learning Curve video. That video was nearly done. All I had to do was insert the conclusion, export the final video, and then upload it. I wanted to finish that before I left on my trip to Sukhothai. I was very focused on that task.
The first thing I did when I got back to my guest house room was unpack and organize all of my technology. I always do that. Batteries need to be charged. Devices need to be plugged in. Memory cards need to be removed from my cameras. I remember clearly removing the 256 GB microSD card from the DJI Pocket 2. I remember that because it is very hard to do. The memory card slot on the Pocket 2 is not well designed. I can’t even insert and then remove the card with a fingernail. The slot is too recessed. I tried using various objects to push the card in and then remove it, but I noticed that these objects were too sharp and were gouging the edge of the memory card. And yesterday, I realized that the otherwise useless 50-satang coin of Thailand is the perfect width and shape for this task. This coin is worth one half of one baht, and it’s only ever used to provide change. Nobody ever uses them to actually pay for anything. It’s an annoying tiny coin that just collects on your furniture and in your pockets. I had a couple of those coins sitting on the bookshelf beside my bed, and I used one to pop the microSD card out of the Pocket 2. Then I took a quick shower, made a cup of coffee, and settled down on my bed to get to work on the video.
I plugged my memory card reader into my phone to start the process of copying over all the new video files. And, to my surprise, I got an error message on my phone saying that it could not connect to the USB device. I removed the memory card reader, and I saw that it was empty. Apparently, I had not put the microSD card into the card reader. I sat there for a second feeling a bit puzzled. I tried to think back, and I had no memory of what I did after I removed the microSD card from the camera. I remembered taking the card out of the camera. I had a strong and clear memory of doing that. But then my memory failed me. I didn’t remember actually inserting the card into the slot on the memory card reader. That’s not unusual for me. I often take out a memory card and then I simply place it on the bed beside me on the right side. And then I get whatever memory card reader or device I’m going to use, and I pick up the memory card and insert it. And I had a vague memory of doing that this time. I had simply placed the microSD card on the bed. But instead of doing something with it right away, as I would normally do, I then went to take a shower and make the coffee.
It’s not totally unusual to temporarily lose track of a microSD card. They are extremely small and light, after all. A puff of wind could blow them away. Even a tiny gecko could carry one off and back to its lair. And normally, I would scan the area on the bed to my right, pick up a couple of objects, and I would find the microSD card. But this time, I wasn’t able to find it right away. So, I got up and off the bed and did a more thorough search. I still wasn’t able to find it. This was starting to become a real puzzle. I thought that perhaps I was dealing with a false memory and I hadn’t taken the card out of the Pocket 2 at all. I looked, but the memory card slot on the Pocket 2 was empty. I thought perhaps the memory card really was in the memory card reader, and I somehow missed it. But I looked carefully, and it wasn’t there. Then I assumed that I must not have put the memory card on the bed at all. I must have removed it from the Pocket 2 and then placed it on the bookshelf beside my bed along with all my various battery chargers and adapters and cables. I went over that bookshelf, but I didn’t see the memory card there either. I went over the bed again, but I couldn’t find it. I went over all my devices again to make absolutely sure that it wasn’t still inside the Pocket 2 or inside the memory card reader or stuck to my phone or inside the case of the Pocket 2. It wasn’t anywhere.
Then I started to think that perhaps I had put it down on the kitchen table or on the fridge when I went to make coffee. So I looked all over the table and fridge top. It wasn’t there. I thought that perhaps I had knocked it off the bed and it was on the floor between the bed and the fridge. I looked, but it wasn’t there either. I looked under the bed. I looked under the table. I looked under the bookshelf. I then returned to my bed and did a more thorough search. I did a more thorough search of the bookshelf. Still no luck.
I started to think that something even more unusual had taken place. Had I been so distracted that I just put the memory card inside a pocket? After all, the other day, I had found a fully grown adult gecko in the hem of my shorts. It’s not crazy to think I would now find this microSD card in one of the pockets. I checked, and it wasn’t there. I removed the shorts and turned them inside out and went over every inch carefully. But, honestly, at this point, I couldn’t even remember if I was wearing my shorts or my long pants when I removed the memory card from the camera. I hadn’t made a mental note of the exact sequence of events when I returned to my room. Had I changed into my shorts before or after I removed the memory card from the Pocket 2?
Just to be safe, I then carefully searched my long pants. I went through every pocket and turned them all inside out and turned the pant legs inside out. I started to think that perhaps something really crazy had happened and I dropped the memory card or knocked it off the bookshelf or bed and it fell into one of my knapsacks. So I grabbed each of my knapsacks and I went over them thoroughly. I went through every pocket. I emptied each of them of all their contents and then searched again and then turned them upside down and shook them out. No luck.
I knew this was impossible, but I thought the card could be in the bathroom. The card had to be somewhere. If it’s not on the bed, not on the bookshelf, not on the table, not on the fridge, not on the floor, and not inside anything, I had to widen my search. The only other options in this small room are the bathroom and actually inside the fridge. And I searched both. I even opened up the jar of instant coffee (which I keep in the fridge door) and looked inside there. I looked inside my coffee cup. No success.
This was starting to get serious. And it was upsetting my mood. I had been sailing along so smoothly. And I had had this vision of easily finalizing the microphone-testing video, and then I would shift to my next task, and then I would set aside all my little projects and focus entirely on the next day, the coming week, and my trip to Sukhothai. I had seen my entire day and evening laid out before me, but it all hinged on finding this elusive memory card. And it was frustrating, because it’s not like I live in a house. I live in one small room. The memory card can only be right here in this room. It could be nowhere else. And there was no confusion about that. There was no chance at all that it was outside this room. I hadn’t left the room at any point. And I knew absolutely that I had removed it from the Pocket 2 while it was plugged in and charging on my bookshelf. So, it was here. But where? It should have been easy to find. I talk about how I have a lot of technology and gadgets now. And that’s true. But I still basically just live out of a backpack, as I have done for a long time. I’m not existing in a multi-room, multi-level house with an attached garage and thousands of possessions. I have a backpack, two knapsacks, some cameras and gadgets, three or four shirts, and one pair of pants. How hard can it be to find something, even something as small as a microSD card?
At this point, I had to reset and start all over from the beginning. My day was starting to spin out of control, but I still thought that if I could find this memory card, I could get things back on track. All was not lost yet. So I went right back to the beginning, and I recreated everything I had done when I returned to my room after my video walkabout. I walked through all the steps of plugging in the Pocket 2 camera, removing the memory card, taking a shower, making coffee, and inserting the memory card reader into my phone. And I searched everything again. I went over the bed very carefully. I went over the bookshelf. I went over the table. I went over the fridge. I searched the floor and I searched underneath everything. I searched inside everything, including my shorts, my pants, my knapsacks, the fridge, the bathroom, and even the jar of coffee again. And I still failed to find this memory card.
By this point, an hour and a half had gone by. I know this because I have clear supporting evidence of the chain of events. The last video I shot on the Pocket 2 was recorded at 10:51 a.m. And after all this initial searching, I took a break. I sat down with a second cup of coffee to relax and get my bearings and contemplate my next move. And while I did that, I sent a message on WhatsApp to a friend telling him about my microSD card adventures.. I sent that message at 1:07 p.m. Therefore, I had been searching for around an hour and a half. And from this point the entire experience was documented thoroughly in photographs and messages. And they all have timestamps.
After that coffee, I did another search. It was essentially a repeat of the earlier search. And my idea was still that I wanted to find this memory card because I wanted to complete the video project, and then start getting ready for my trip to Sukhothai. I thought I could still get my life back on track and complete the day as I had planned. I just needed to find that memory card.
That next search took an hour. I know that because I sent a message at exactly 2:07 to announce that I had failed. And in this search, I had gone over every single item on my bed and bookshelf carefully, even items that had nothing to do with the DJI Pocket 2 or anything I had done that morning. I took every single item and every single bag and emptied the contents and reviewed everything and then set it aside. When the bookshelf was cleared, I wiped it down from top to bottom and looked in every crack and crevice. In this hour, I went over everything in my room several times.
By this point, my thinking had changed. I had given up on the day’s plans. The day I had planned was not going to happen. Too much time had passed. I also had mentally reconciled with the idea that the video files were lost and that the memory card was lost. It would be annoying to lose all that video. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world. After a good night of rest, I could just reshoot the video conclusion. And the other stuff I had shot was not essential. And I wouldn’t be happy to lose the physical memory card. I need a lot of memory cards for my video projects and all my cameras, but I could replace it for around $40 Canadian.
So, I was no longer focused on the physical benefits of locating this memory card. Even if I found it quickly, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. The day was lost already. My departure to Sukhothai was in jeopardy already. Even if I found the memory card in the next minute, it wouldn’t change very much. The damage had been done.
But now it had become a question of principle and the very fabric of reality. The microSD card was here. It was in this room. Therefore, unless the laws of physics had changed, a thorough search should locate it. I had already done several quite thorough searches, and they had all failed. This bothered me on the level of logic. WHERE could this microSD card be? The very thought was starting to drive me crazy. If the searches I had done failed to locate it, then something very unusual must have happened. But what could that be? I couldn’t imagine any circumstance that could account for this mystery. The answer must be so bizarre that it could even be entertaining. I imagined finally finding it and being so astonished at the answer to this puzzle that it would delight me. I WANTED the answer. I NEEDED the answer. And, therefore, I decided to go to war.
I came up with a simple strategy. I mentally divided the room in half. And my plan was to take every single item from one half of the room, search through it as nothing has ever been searched through before, and then physically move that item to the other half of the room. I would do this methodically until that half of the room was completely empty. I wanted nothing left in that half. And when it was empty, I was going to sweep the floor as carefully as I could and search every nook and cranny from top to bottom. I would even search the ceiling. I would get on my hands and knees and do a targeted search of every square inch of the floor.
I started with the half of the room that contained the bed. That, after all, is where the microSD card most likely had to be. That is where I live and keep all my electronics. The other half just contains the fridge, a wardrobe, a clothing rack, and the bathroom. I mentally settled in and got to work. One problem is that the bed itself could not be removed. It is far too large and heavy. It had to remain in that half of the room. But after I had searched and moved EVERYTHING else, just that bare mattress and bedframe remained. One of my working theories was that the microSD card had slipped between the mattress and the bed frame. That was the most logical answer to my puzzle. Therefore, once the bed was stripped and that half of the room empty, I picked up the mattress and removed it completely from the frame. THAT was hard to do. This is a gigantic bed, and the mattress was crazy heavy. But I managed to move it. And I went over this massive wooden bed frame inch by inch. By this point, I had plugged my desk lamp into an extension cord, and I was using it as a kind of handheld spotlight to closely examine every inch of everything. The microSD card was nowhere to be found. I couldn’t remove the bed and mattress fully, but I was able to push it around, and I was careful to do so so that I could search the underside of the bed and the floor underneath every part of this bed. There are not many things in this life that I’m sure of, but when I was done with that half of the room, I was 100% sure that the microSD card was not there. It couldn’t be. I had completely emptied it of everything except the bed.
This little project took an hour and fifty-three minutes. I know this because I sent a message at 1:27 saying that I was about to get back to work. And at 3:20, I sent a photograph of the empty half of the room with the mattress leaning against the wall.
And now, I was going to reverse the process. I was going to take everything that was now condensed in one half of the room and move ALL of it into the empty half – item by item. And I was going to thoroughly search every single item as I moved it. I’m not sure that it is even possible to be more methodical than the way I went about this.
This process took two hours and five minutes to complete. I know this because when I had completely moved everything and had emptied the other half of the room, I took a picture of the new empty half and sent it at 5:25. It hardly seemed possible, but after six hours of the most intense search the world has ever seen, I STILL had been unable to find that microSD card. I don’t know if you can even imagine my state of mind at this point. I can’t emphasize enough how thorough I had been. I had broken down and emptied and studied every single item to its core. I had brought a level of scrutiny and methodology that no CSI team on the planet could duplicate. It was an achievement to rival anything accomplished by the human race in its history. And I still had failed to uncover this memory card. And THIS was impossible. It defied any concept of physical reality.
Even with this process completed, I was not done. I had done everything humanly possible. But there was still the superhuman. Therefore, I went back to work, and this time, I searched the full interior of the fridge. I didn’t look just inside the coffee jar and my coffee cup, the only two things I had touched earlier. I removed the entire contents of the fridge and searched them all. I then pulled the fridge away from the wall and did a thorough search of the floor. After all, the only possibility remaining was that the microSD card had fallen to the floor and then I had kicked it under the fridge. So I moved the fridge and looked. And I examined carefully, and then I cleaned everything. At every stage of this long search, I had been sweeping the floor and I kept everything I swept up in a pile in the dustpan. And I sorted through the dust and hair and debris carefully to make sure the memory card wasn’t hidden inside it somehow.
I then, crazy as it might seem, searched the bathroom again. I can’t imagine how the microSD card could have ended up there. But I had already proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t in the main room. It just wasn’t there. Therefore, by process of elimination it HAD TO BE in the bathroom. But after another careful search, I was forced to conclude that it wasn’t. As impossible as it was to believe or even contemplate, the microSD card was not here. It was not in this room. And if it wasn’t in this room, only one of two things could have happened. One, a creature, such as a gecko, had picked it up and run off with it and taken it outside. Or two, a tear in the fabric of space-time had occurred, and my memory card had been sucked into another dimension or into another universe. Those were the only two options.
I hated so much to admit defeat, but by 6:30, I had no other choice. I had been searching just ONE room for seven hours, and I had been unable to find the memory card. Just to reassure you that I am not 100% insane, I will say that at some point, I realized that this search was giving me a good opportunity to give my room a solid spring cleaning AND organize and reorganize all my stuff. Obviously, I have to be insane to conduct this kind of seven-hour search for a $40 memory card. But I was also giving everything a good sweeping, and soaping, and scrubbing, and organizing along the way. So it wasn’t a total loss. I do like to have my living space clean and organized.
At 6:30, I gave up forever. I was done. The mystery would never be solved. I had eaten nothing all day. I hadn’t stopped searching for even a snack. My entire consumption consisted of cold drinking water and three cups of coffee. And feeling defeated, I went into the bathroom for a quick rinse from the shower to cool down and wipe away the sweat and dust.
Then I stepped out of the bathroom door and grabbed a towel from the rack to my right to dry off. I dried my legs and my arms and my chest. And then I flipped the towel around to my back, and I pulled the towel back and forth across my back to dry it. And right then, I heard a little tinkling sound, as if something small, something like a microSD card, had fallen onto the tile floor. I looked down, and there, near my feet, on the tile in plain view, was the microSD card. I took a picture of it. This picture was taken at 6:35 p.m.
Where had the microSD card come from? Where had it been all this time? For all seven hours, it had been stuck to my back. When I pulled the towel across my back, it had dislodged the memory card and it fell to the floor between my feet.
The answer to this mystery is that I HAD put the microSD card on the bed after I removed it from the Pocket 2 camera. And then when I lay down on the bed after my shower, my skin was still damp, and I lay down right on top of the memory card and it had stuck to my skin. And it had stayed there all day as I searched, a little hidden passenger, riding piggy-back for seven hours.